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Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

God Deploys 100,000 More Mosquitoes To U.S.

THE HEAVENS—Directing the reinforcements to areas that had suffered heavy casualties, God, Our Heavenly Father, ordered the deployment of 100,000 more mosquitoes to the United States, sources confirmed Monday.
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Most People Exposed To Secondhand Smoke

According to the World Health Organization, over 94 percent of people around the globe are unprotected from secondhand smoke. What do you think?
  • "94%? Wow, how are my kids ever going to resist the peer pressure to start secondhand smoking?"

    Glenn Cronise Systems Analyst
  • "It may be too late for us, but at least we can help protect the jackets and pants of our children."

    Layla Shutt Unemployed
  • "I want to care about this but its fighting for attention from the part of me usually reserved to worry about birds getting caught in used plastic six pack rings at landfills."

    Paul Richie Rock Splitter

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