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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Most People Exposed To Secondhand Smoke

According to the World Health Organization, over 94 percent of people around the globe are unprotected from secondhand smoke. What do you think?
  • "94%? Wow, how are my kids ever going to resist the peer pressure to start secondhand smoking?"

    Glenn Cronise Systems Analyst
  • "It may be too late for us, but at least we can help protect the jackets and pants of our children."

    Layla Shutt Unemployed
  • "I want to care about this but its fighting for attention from the part of me usually reserved to worry about birds getting caught in used plastic six pack rings at landfills."

    Paul Richie Rock Splitter

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