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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Mothers May Pass Depression To Newborns

According to a new study by British researchers, babies born to women who are depressed during their pregnancy are 1.3 times more likely than their peers to suffer depression when they become adults. What do you think?

  • “At least now depressed mothers know for sure that everything is their fault.”

    Michael Kozak Gift Wrapper
  • “What the hell are they depressed about? They’re having a baby!”

    Joel Aguilar Livestock Yard Attendant
  • “I still love you, Mom.”

    Delia Canovas Standpipe Tender
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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