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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Mothers May Pass Depression To Newborns

According to a new study by British researchers, babies born to women who are depressed during their pregnancy are 1.3 times more likely than their peers to suffer depression when they become adults. What do you think?

  • “At least now depressed mothers know for sure that everything is their fault.”

    Michael Kozak Gift Wrapper
  • “What the hell are they depressed about? They’re having a baby!”

    Joel Aguilar Livestock Yard Attendant
  • “I still love you, Mom.”

    Delia Canovas Standpipe Tender

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