Mountain Dew Introduces 'Kickstart' Breakfast Drink

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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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Mountain Dew Introduces 'Kickstart' Breakfast Drink

On February 25, PepsiCo will roll out its new line of caffeinated Mountain Dew Kickstart sparkling juice beverages, which will be marketed as an alternative to coffee or tea. What do you think?

  • “Great! I do most of my skysurfing in the morning.”

    Richard Poitier
    Bench Assembler
  • “You know, there are many mornings when I’m having my coffee and I wonder if there isn’t some Dew I should be doing.”

    Celia Vassallo
    Horticulturalist
  • “Nice. I’ve been looking for just the right beverage to wash down the Jimmy Dean Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick I like to eat on the bus.”

    Chris Gutierrez
    Tape Duplicator