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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Mountain Dew's New 'World Of Warcraft' Beverages

Mountain Dew has released World Of Warcraft–branded "game fuel" in Horde Red and Alliance Blue. What do you think?
  • "I hope they extend this to other games, like bridge, and have a north, south, east, and west version.”

    Ray Filardo Systems Analyst
  • "Look at all these idiots here who think I'm part of the Horde just because I bought a red soda. Fools! I can't believe it worked.”

    Paula Weston Java Security Consultant
  • "Mountain Dew should stop kissing flabby loser ass and get back to its proud hillbilly shitkicker roots.”

    Doug Hynes Forklift Operator

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