Mouse Study Suggests Soda Consumption May Be Fatal

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Mouse Study Suggests Soda Consumption May Be Fatal

A new study found that female mice that consistently consumed 25 percent of their calories in the form of added sugar, which is the equivalent of a human drinking three cans of soda per day, died at twice the rate of mice that were not on the high-sugar diet. What do you think?

  • “Don’t feed soda to mice. Got it.”

    Kristi Mondell
    General Practitioner
  • “That’s a roundabout way to kill mice, but it sounds more humane than those sticky traps.”

    Bron Pedigo
    Drapery Cutter
  • “That’s why I always run my soda through a Brita filter two or three times first. It tastes awful, but at least it’s healthier, I think.”

    Tom Leetch
    Puppeteer
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