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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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MPAA Backs Off College Students

After charging that college students were responsible for 44 percent of revenue losses due to illegal downloading of movies, the Motion Picture Association of America recently conceded that the number was closer to 15 percent. What do you think?
  • “However, they are 70 percent responsible for the ‘American Pie’ sequels.”

    Danny Chulew Receptionist
  • “I still don’t think that’s true, I only downloaded about 7 percent of ‘Spider-Man 3’ before my roommate told me it sucked.”

    Paula Kleppe Systems Analyst
  • "Movie theaters have sticky floors, and the concessions cost too much money. People bring their infants to inappropriate movies, where they cry loudly. Perhaps one of these humorous observations could account for decreased revenue."

    Christopher Rimes Cabinetmaker
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