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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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MPAA Backs Off College Students

After charging that college students were responsible for 44 percent of revenue losses due to illegal downloading of movies, the Motion Picture Association of America recently conceded that the number was closer to 15 percent. What do you think?
  • “However, they are 70 percent responsible for the ‘American Pie’ sequels.”

    Danny Chulew Receptionist
  • “I still don’t think that’s true, I only downloaded about 7 percent of ‘Spider-Man 3’ before my roommate told me it sucked.”

    Paula Kleppe Systems Analyst
  • "Movie theaters have sticky floors, and the concessions cost too much money. People bring their infants to inappropriate movies, where they cry loudly. Perhaps one of these humorous observations could account for decreased revenue."

    Christopher Rimes Cabinetmaker
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