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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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MTV Airs Ferguson Public Service Announcement During VMA Awards

During last night’s Video Music Awards, MTV aired a public service announcement addressing issues surrounding the crisis in Ferguson, MO, featuring young people describing the stereotypes they face, which executives say they hope will start important conversations about racism. What do you think?

  • “It’s always nice to hear what Viacom has to say about racism.”

    David McComb Garage Door Installer
  • “Good on MTV for doing its part to reduce the negative stereotypes it promotes.”

    Kelly Wilson Pet Specialist
  • “This is a worthwhile conversation to have during the commercial break.”

    Justin Gerhardt Taffy Maker

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