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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Mugabe Heckled By Parliament

President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe was loudly derided as a murderer by the Movement for Democratic Change as he opened a meeting of parliament. What do you think?
  • "Someone called me a murderer once. But that was in college, and for a totally different reason."

    Sally Reissman Systems Analyst
  • "If the MDC has a complaint to make, they should do the professional thing and file it officially with their local death squad."

    Adam Previn Food Co-Op Manager
  • "I wasn't going to say anything. But now that you mention it, I also think he's a murderer."

    Tom Garfield Carpet Installer

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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