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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Murder No Longer Among Top Killers In U.S.

For the first time since 1965, murder was not among the top 15 causes of death in the United States, having been replaced by the respiratory ailment pneumonitis. What do you think?

  • "Top 15? I had no idea there were so many ways to die."

    Alex Paich Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, but the No. 1 cause is 'freak wind accident,' so that hardly comforts me."

    Diana Porcaro Tooth Clerk
  • "Aw, that’s just on accounta Clyde being in lockup is all. He’ll be out in June."

    Gene Hungate Auxiliary Equipment Tender

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