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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Murdoch Blasted As Not Fit To Lead

The British Parliament released a 125-page report on the News Corp phone-hacking scandal that concluded CEO Rupert Murdoch was unfit to govern a major media company. What do you think?

  • “I think he's still fit to run Fox.”

    Dennis Saint-John Dial Maker
  • “That’s ridiculous. People shouldn’t be going around with privacy if they don’t want other people invading it.”

    Steven Lazar Unemployed
  • “Sounds like someone’s still a little upset about the News Of The World’s ‘Parlia-Can’t’ headlines.”

    Madeline Flees Tank Erector

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