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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Murdoch Blasted As Not Fit To Lead

The British Parliament released a 125-page report on the News Corp phone-hacking scandal that concluded CEO Rupert Murdoch was unfit to govern a major media company. What do you think?

  • “I think he's still fit to run Fox.”

    Dennis Saint-John Dial Maker
  • “That’s ridiculous. People shouldn’t be going around with privacy if they don’t want other people invading it.”

    Steven Lazar Unemployed
  • “Sounds like someone’s still a little upset about the News Of The World’s ‘Parlia-Can’t’ headlines.”

    Madeline Flees Tank Erector

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