adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mutant Butterflies Found Near Fukushima

Near the site of the 2011 nuclear accident in Fukushima, Japan, researchers have found severe mutations in the wings, antennae, legs, and eyes of pale grass blue butterflies, abnormalities likely caused by exposure to radiation. What do you think?

  • "I hate it when things continue to have horrible consequences long after I've stopped paying attention."

    Jenilee Fottrell Van Driver
  • "Yeah, I know that all sounds cool, but if you think about it, it's actually kind of sad."

    Mateo Zulo Sanding Machine Buffer
  • "Screeeeeeeeee! Screeeeeeeeee!"

    Mothra

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close