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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Mutant Butterflies Found Near Fukushima

Near the site of the 2011 nuclear accident in Fukushima, Japan, researchers have found severe mutations in the wings, antennae, legs, and eyes of pale grass blue butterflies, abnormalities likely caused by exposure to radiation. What do you think?

  • "I hate it when things continue to have horrible consequences long after I've stopped paying attention."

    Jenilee Fottrell Van Driver
  • "Yeah, I know that all sounds cool, but if you think about it, it's actually kind of sad."

    Mateo Zulo Sanding Machine Buffer
  • "Screeeeeeeeee! Screeeeeeeeee!"

    Mothra

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