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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Myanmar Ends Media Censorship

Transitioning to a more democratic system after nearly half a century of repressive military rule, Myanmar's government announced Monday that its Press Scrutiny and Registration Department would no longer censor the nation's private publications. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, but where’s the fun in it if you’re not pissing off a junta?”

    Vern Wansley Paperboard Box Maker
  • “The censorship is why I stopped beginning my day with the Yangon Times.”

    Wallace Frankfather Scientific Photographer
  • “I hope they’re prepared for all the shitty blogs people are going to start now.”

    Juleen Petite Accounting Clerk

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