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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Mysterious Google Barges Seen On East, West Coasts

Many are speculating that two mysterious barges containing four-story structures, one docked in Portland, ME and another in San Francisco, are owned by tech giant Google and may contain floating data centers or promotional Google Glass store locations. What do you think?

  • “Ooh, a new barge! This is exciting!”

    Gavin Cabral Webmaster
  • “That’s genius. Could there be a more secure location than an open barge at sea?”

    Lisbeth Crowe Unemployed
  • “Oh, man. Now even a data center has gone on a cruise before me.”

    Richard Santoro Histologist

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