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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Mysterious White Surrender Flags Appear Above Brooklyn Bridge

NYC police are investigating the mysterious appearance of two white surrender flags above the Brooklyn Bridge that were apparently planted by vandals who scaled to the top in the middle of the night, saying that it could be an art project. What do you think?

  • “I’d agree it was some sort of conceptual art project, if Brooklyn were known for that kind of thing.”

    Jonathan Curtis Quality Control Specialist
  • “In the absence of hard facts about this, does anybody have any wild speculation?”

    Ben Johnstone, Anchor Hoister
  • “Oh man, I wish I had beliefs strong enough to climb that high.”

    Katie Pompilio Garnish Adder

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