adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Naked Chocolate Jesus Nixed

A Manhattan art gallery scrapped its plans to exhibit a naked chocolate Jesus in the week preceding Easter, causing the gallery's artistic director to resign. What do you think?
  • "If I had that sculpture, I would trade it in a heartbeat for thirty chocolate coins."

    Linda Steckler Animal Handler
  • "At least the museum administrators can make good on the stipulation in his contract that guarantees him a Jesus made of chocolate if he ever resigns."

    Denny Johnson Attorney
  • "If not for Easter, then when? Christmas hardly seems appropriate."

    Marcus Gimino Loan Officer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close