adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Naked Chocolate Jesus Nixed

A Manhattan art gallery scrapped its plans to exhibit a naked chocolate Jesus in the week preceding Easter, causing the gallery's artistic director to resign. What do you think?
  • "If I had that sculpture, I would trade it in a heartbeat for thirty chocolate coins."

    Linda Steckler Animal Handler
  • "At least the museum administrators can make good on the stipulation in his contract that guarantees him a Jesus made of chocolate if he ever resigns."

    Denny Johnson Attorney
  • "If not for Easter, then when? Christmas hardly seems appropriate."

    Marcus Gimino Loan Officer
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close