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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Naomi Campbell Assaults Maid

Supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested for throwing a phone at a housekeeper, making this her third assault accusation to date. What do you think?
  • “She's getting a little long in the tooth for this modeling business. Seems to me she's just trying to make a graceful transition to roller derby.”

    David Grubbs Cashier
  • “I, for one, will never be able to look at her half-naked body the same way again.”

    Jan Fine Senior Export Licenser
  • “Can't we let her go one more time? She's only got two or three more good years left on her.”

    Sooyoung Park Carpet Installer

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