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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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NASA Asks For Selfies To Celebrate Earth Day

As part of today’s Earth Day celebrations, NASA has asked people across the world to take a “selfie” in nature and post it on social media under the hashtag #globalselfie, which will then be used to create a mosaic of earth. What do you think?

  • “I’ve always wanted NASA to know what I look like!”

    Felicity McPherson Respiratory Therapist
  • “There should be one monkey face, too.”

    Todd Bridges Unemployed
  • “I hope NASA has a plan to filter out the uggos.”

    William Greer Shrimp Picker

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