NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

NASA's Kepler space telescope has located two planets 1,200 light years away that are in the so-called Goldilocks zone of their solar system where liquid water might exist, making them ideal candidates for supporting life as we know it. What do you think?

  • “Maybe I do have a shot at finding love!”

    Jeanette Kobielski
    Valet
  • “Let the interstellar human infestation begin!”

    Clement Eisenreich
    Woolens Examiner
  • “Well, I’d never go. It would just be too much of a hassle to adjust all my recipes for a slightly different atmosphere.”

    Fraser Heinze
    Systems Analyst
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