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NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

NASA's Kepler space telescope has located two planets 1,200 light years away that are in the so-called Goldilocks zone of their solar system where liquid water might exist, making them ideal candidates for supporting life as we know it. What do you think?

  • “Maybe I do have a shot at finding love!”

    Jeanette Kobielski Valet
  • “Let the interstellar human infestation begin!”

    Clement Eisenreich Woolens Examiner
  • “Well, I’d never go. It would just be too much of a hassle to adjust all my recipes for a slightly different atmosphere.”

    Fraser Heinze Systems Analyst

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