NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

Top Headlines

Recent News

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

NASA's Kepler space telescope has located two planets 1,200 light years away that are in the so-called Goldilocks zone of their solar system where liquid water might exist, making them ideal candidates for supporting life as we know it. What do you think?

  • “Maybe I do have a shot at finding love!”

    Jeanette Kobielski Valet
  • “Let the interstellar human infestation begin!”

    Clement Eisenreich Woolens Examiner
  • “Well, I’d never go. It would just be too much of a hassle to adjust all my recipes for a slightly different atmosphere.”

    Fraser Heinze Systems Analyst


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close