adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

NASA's Kepler space telescope has located two planets 1,200 light years away that are in the so-called Goldilocks zone of their solar system where liquid water might exist, making them ideal candidates for supporting life as we know it. What do you think?

  • “Maybe I do have a shot at finding love!”

    Jeanette Kobielski Valet
  • “Let the interstellar human infestation begin!”

    Clement Eisenreich Woolens Examiner
  • “Well, I’d never go. It would just be too much of a hassle to adjust all my recipes for a slightly different atmosphere.”

    Fraser Heinze Systems Analyst

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close