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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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NASA Offering $18K To Stay In Bed For 70 Days

NASA researchers will pay volunteers $18,000 to stay for 10 weeks in a bed inclined at six degrees, such that subjects’ feet are higher than their heads, which simulates cardiovascular conditions seen in space. What do you think?

  • “By my accounting, someone already owes me like eleven grand.”

    Spencer Kane Casting Agent
  • “Six-degree incline? Forget it.”

    Wayne Martin Trench Coat Designer
  • “Dang. And all this time I’ve been letting my muscles atrophy for free.”

    Eve Irwin Systems Analyst
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