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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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NASA Seeking Astronauts

Faced with a potential shortfall of qualified personnel, NASA is currently accepting new applications for its astronaut-training program. What do you think?

  • “Perfect! I've had a hard time finding work, and it would be nice to keep the family in Houston.”

    Luke Avsec Unemployed
  • "I’ve always dreamed of going into space. Then I wipe the sweat off my brow and try to get back to sleep."

    Keith Hoenes Inseam Trimmer
  • "In the application, can you state that, instead of being sent to Mars, you'd prefer being miniaturized and injected into someone's bloodstream?"

    Rebecca McClain Attorney
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