NASA To Send New Rover To Mars In 2020

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

NASA To Send New Rover To Mars In 2020

Following the success of its Curiosity rover, which has made key discoveries about the past existence of liquid water on the surface of Mars, NASA announced its intention to send another large rover to the Red Planet in the year 2020. What do you think?

  • “Ha, ha, ha! Like NASA is going to be around in 2020.”

    Ralph Roth
    Homicide Squad Sargeant
  • “That’s stupid. Can’t NASA think of any other planets?”

    Olga Swan
    Embossing Machine Operator
  • “Wow, what an amazing idea. Have they considered sending a third one after that?”

    Thad Slevin
    Meat Smoker
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