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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Nation Celebrates Thanksgiving

All across the country, Americans are gathering with their loved ones to celebrate Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this year?

  • “It’s almost Mannheim Steamroller time!”

    Marnie Panaretos Systems Analyst
  • “I’m still thankful the Lord gave us the strength to beat Rockaway during homecoming my junior year. Go Cougars!”

    Dan McQuary Livestock Salesman
  • “This sweater. My hands. Friends. Ambulance. Am I doing this right?”

    David Gillis Ski Lift Operator
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