National Meat Surplus

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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National Meat Surplus

Pork profits are substantially lower than last year because of a massive meat surplus. What do you think?
  • "I have just the tonic for a stagnant market in pork—product placement. The new Charlotte's Web movie is coming out this Christmas. Problem solved!"

    Lulu Quisling
  • "Buy low, sell high. This is the investment opportunity of a lifetime!"

    Herb LaFayette
  • "I don't want to hear any more about this. I'm already eating as much bacon as I possibly can."

    Chuck Gimmino
    Copy-Shop Clerk