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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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National Milk Industry Drops "Got Milk"

Two decades after launching it's famous "Got Milk" campaign featuring celebrities with milk mustaches, the national milk industry has phased out the iconic slogan in favor of the tagline "Milk Life," which officials say will put emphasis on milk's nutritional content. What do you think?

  • "This shall be the milk industry's Waterloo."

    Julie Midler Breakfast Server
  • "I don't mind, just as long as an ad campaign exists to remind me to intake fluids."

    Mart Grayson Lead Accountant
  • "Damn, they've sucked me back in."

    David Baumel Organist
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