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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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National Park Service Provides Deer Meat To Homeless

In response to exploding populations of deer around Washington, D.C. parks, the National Park Service reportedly hired sharpshooters to cull some of the animals and then donated the meat to local homeless shelters. What do you think?

  • “So all I have to do to get fresh deer meat is pretend I’m homeless?”

    John McClenahan Plant Waterer
  • “It’s an exciting time to be homeless, that’s for sure.”

    Margery Berenson Dry Cleaning Specialist
  • “Isn’t there a way we could just kill deer without helping people?”

    Bill Campbell Electrician

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