National Parks Under Siege

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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National Parks Under Siege

Attendance at America's national parks has quadrupled in the past 30 years, spawning pollution and traffic problems and prompting calls for a limit on the number of annual visitors. What do you think about our overburdened national parks?
  • "Hey, I own the national parks as much as anyone, so I'm going to plow my RV into as many herds of deer as I like."

    Oscar Sowell
  • "They should hire some more of those giant owls that pick up garbage."

    Jeff Palmer
    Teacher's Aide
  • "Maybe if the parks had some decent four-lane highways running through them, there wouldn't be so much traffic."

    Angela Koerner
    Systems Analyst
  • "I don't buy this overcrowding bullshit for a minute: They just want us out of Yosemite so they can grow more 'Old Faithful Primo Gold,' the special top-secret Senate marijuana."

    Steve Tendero
  • "Why visit some overcrowded national park when you can spend your summer vacation at the Our Lady Of Fatima Grotto & Fireworks Stand, located just five miles off I-90 in scenic Onida, SD?"

    Lynette Bosch
    Claims Adjuster
  • "The beauty of our national parks is awe-inspiring. Except for Jellystone. I drove through there once, and it was just the same tree, rock, and picnic bench going by in the background over and over."

    Christopher Lee