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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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National Parks Under Siege

Attendance at America's national parks has quadrupled in the past 30 years, spawning pollution and traffic problems and prompting calls for a limit on the number of annual visitors. What do you think about our overburdened national parks?
  • "Hey, I own the national parks as much as anyone, so I'm going to plow my RV into as many herds of deer as I like."

    Oscar Sowell Machinist
  • "They should hire some more of those giant owls that pick up garbage."

    Jeff Palmer Teacher's Aide
  • "Maybe if the parks had some decent four-lane highways running through them, there wouldn't be so much traffic."

    Angela Koerner Systems Analyst
  • "I don't buy this overcrowding bullshit for a minute: They just want us out of Yosemite so they can grow more 'Old Faithful Primo Gold,' the special top-secret Senate marijuana."

    Steve Tendero Bartender
  • "Why visit some overcrowded national park when you can spend your summer vacation at the Our Lady Of Fatima Grotto & Fireworks Stand, located just five miles off I-90 in scenic Onida, SD?"

    Lynette Bosch Claims Adjuster
  • "The beauty of our national parks is awe-inspiring. Except for Jellystone. I drove through there once, and it was just the same tree, rock, and picnic bench going by in the background over and over."

    Christopher Lee Writer

More from this section

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

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