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Nation's Busiest Highway Closes For Weekend

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

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FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.
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Nation's Busiest Highway Closes For Weekend

A 10-mile stretch of L.A.’s Interstate 405, the busiest highway in the United States, is closing for the weekend, causing many to cancel plans. What do you think?

  • "Oh, no! You can still jump off the overpass, though, right?"

    Kim Campbell
    Systems Analyst
  • "So much for L.A. being superior to everywhere else. I believe I'll go drive I-94 this weekend—not because I have anyplace to go, but simply because I can."

    Michael Dunbar
    Battery Inspector
  • "Can't L.A. residents just spend 48 hours waiting patiently in their cars for traffic to start moving again, the way they normally do?"

    David Lander
    Administrative Director

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