Nation's Busiest Highway Closes For Weekend

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Vol 47 Issue 29

Nation's School Systems Held Back A Year

WASHINGTON—Having continued to display learning deficits and a failure to reach basic educational milestones, the nation's school systems will be asked to repeat the academic year, sources confirmed Friday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Nation's Busiest Highway Closes For Weekend

A 10-mile stretch of L.A.’s Interstate 405, the busiest highway in the United States, is closing for the weekend, causing many to cancel plans. What do you think?

  • "Oh, no! You can still jump off the overpass, though, right?"

    Kim Campbell
    Systems Analyst
  • "So much for L.A. being superior to everywhere else. I believe I'll go drive I-94 this weekend—not because I have anyplace to go, but simply because I can."

    Michael Dunbar
    Battery Inspector
  • "Can't L.A. residents just spend 48 hours waiting patiently in their cars for traffic to start moving again, the way they normally do?"

    David Lander
    Administrative Director
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