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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Nation’s Doctors Classify Obesity As Disease

At their annual meeting this week, the American Medical Association officially recognized obesity, which affects about a third of all Americans, as a disease. What do you think?

  • “So the first lady has just been hassling a bunch of sick kids?”

    Margo Leder Orchestra Conductor
  • “I hope this means I can get my insurance company to pay for some wider pants.”

    Lewis Pontrelli Ribbon Winder
  • “Fat people don’t deserve any more sympathy than they already get.”

    Terry Chooljian Flatware Maker
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