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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Navy Bans Smoking On Submarines

The U.S. Navy has officially banned smoking on submarines while the crafts are below the surface. What do you think?

  • "I think this is a bad move strategically. They're going to have to surface every hour for smoke breaks."

    Jeff Sherman Unemployed
  • "I'm sure some sailors may be mad about this, but think of it this way: You get to ride on a submarine!"

    Claire Jones Receiving Weigher
  • "Well, that's just great. Now what are sailors supposed to do after they've had sex on a submarine?"

    Ward Banks Machine Marker

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