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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Navy Develops Drone-Destroying Laser Cannon

The U.S. Navy announced the successful development of a powerful laser cannon that is capable of taking down drone aircraft, which will be mounted to the deck of a ship and deployed to the Persian Gulf to deter Iranian aggression. What do you think?

  • “Good. I’ve always said we need more ways to shoot things.”

    Stephanie Sarreal Unemployed
  • “Can’t we for once use a drone-destroying laser cannon for good?”

    Dale Koehler Lithographic Proofer
  • “Just like a Navy man: mounting his laser cannon to a ship rather than freehanding it.”

    Steve Chan Bulldozer Operator

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