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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Navy SEAL Pens Memoir Of Bin Laden Raid

A recently retired member of SEAL Team Six has written No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account Of The Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden, a detailed book slated for a Sept. 11 release date. What do you think.

  • “What a weird coincidence—9/11 also happened on Sept. 11.”

    Clyde Saladow Paint Mixer
  • “He can kill and he can write? Swoon!”

    Juliann Stitt Jewel Gauger
  • “C’mon. This is just some dude’s attempt to cash in on something incredibly awesome he did.”

    J.J. Kalles Periodontist

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