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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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NBC, CNN Cancel Hillary Clinton Movies

Amid backlash from the Republican National Committee as well as a number of people close to the Clintons, CNN stopped production of a Hillary Clinton documentary, while NBC canceled its planned miniseries Hillary, which had already cast Diane Lane in the lead role. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to miss seeing her face on my TV.”

    Brenda Garcia Holistic Healer
  • “Good, because I have another project I’d like Diane Lane to consider.”

    Troy Lebeau Systems Analyst
  • “Well, well, looks like a slot just opened up in the ol’ DVR queue. What’ll be the lucky program to take its place?”

    Kevin Murdoch Chaplain

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