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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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NBC, CNN Cancel Hillary Clinton Movies

Amid backlash from the Republican National Committee as well as a number of people close to the Clintons, CNN stopped production of a Hillary Clinton documentary, while NBC canceled its planned miniseries Hillary, which had already cast Diane Lane in the lead role. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to miss seeing her face on my TV.”

    Brenda Garcia Holistic Healer
  • “Good, because I have another project I’d like Diane Lane to consider.”

    Troy Lebeau Systems Analyst
  • “Well, well, looks like a slot just opened up in the ol’ DVR queue. What’ll be the lucky program to take its place?”

    Kevin Murdoch Chaplain

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