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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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NBC Universal Buying iVillage

Media giant NBC Universal recently paid $600 million for iVillage, an Internet company catering to women. What do you think?
  • "And all this time I assumed NBC didn't care about my need to lose weight."

    Kaelin Goulet Jet Mechanic
  • "I run a website NBC might be interested in buying. It also appeals to women. Who like other women. And cake batter. In unorthodox places."

    Philip Korf Landscape Architect
  • "So iVillage will be owned by NBC Universal, which is owned by GE… I'm totally in the lead on ‘the six corporate conglomerate degrees of Thomas Edison.’"

    Kevin Patrick Insurance Underwriter

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