adBlockCheck

Local

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
End Of Section
  • More News

Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves

All over Western Europe and Central Asia, Neanderthal man is inhabiting caves in record numbers. What do you think?
  • "Yet so hard to find cave with something nice on wall instead of crude, violent hunting scene."

    Thag Forager
  • "Cave good. Man happy. Need shelves."

    Gron Gatherer
  • "Man no used to need cave. Now, man no survive without it. Life getting too complicated."

    Paulette Spear Maker

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close