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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

‘You Would Have To Meet Him,’ Millions Say

WASHINGTON—Saying you’d understand what they were talking about the moment you laid eyes on him, the entire nation reported Monday that it was kind of hard to describe Mark and you’d just have to meet him.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.
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Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves

All over Western Europe and Central Asia, Neanderthal man is inhabiting caves in record numbers. What do you think?
  • "Yet so hard to find cave with something nice on wall instead of crude, violent hunting scene."

    Thag Forager
  • "Cave good. Man happy. Need shelves."

    Gron Gatherer
  • "Man no used to need cave. Now, man no survive without it. Life getting too complicated."

    Paulette Spear Maker

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