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Nebraska State Trooper In Klan

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

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WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

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FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
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Nebraska State Trooper In Klan

An arbitrator for the state of Nebraska ruled that a state trooper could not be fired for belonging to the Ku Klux Klan. What do you think?
  • "I'm actually fairly impressed with this man. It has to be hard, time-consuming work to be part of two bigoted, fear-mongering groups simultaneously."

    Janelle Draper
    Judge
  • "Would you rather he vented his racism at unsuspecting motorists on the highway, or in the safe confines of a KKK meeting?"

    Jerry Patrone
    Poultry Inspector
  • "The last time I checked, no one was forcing blacks or Jews to drive through Nebraska. So what exactly is the issue?"

    Neil Gruber
    Tax Attorney

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