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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Nebraska State Trooper In Klan

An arbitrator for the state of Nebraska ruled that a state trooper could not be fired for belonging to the Ku Klux Klan. What do you think?
  • "I'm actually fairly impressed with this man. It has to be hard, time-consuming work to be part of two bigoted, fear-mongering groups simultaneously."

    Janelle Draper Judge
  • "Would you rather he vented his racism at unsuspecting motorists on the highway, or in the safe confines of a KKK meeting?"

    Jerry Patrone Poultry Inspector
  • "The last time I checked, no one was forcing blacks or Jews to drive through Nebraska. So what exactly is the issue?"

    Neil Gruber Tax Attorney

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