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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Negative Campaigning

Negative campaigning has emerged as a major issue in the presidential primaries, particularly on the Republican side, where George W. Bush and John McCain have accused each other of resorting to the tactic. What do you think?
  • "Why can't these candidates focus on all the good things their opponents do?"

    Victoria North Physical Therapist
  • "The candidates in my country don't use negative campaigning to win votes. They use negative reinforcement. Ow, my testicles."

    Batat Primpang Rice Farmer
  • "It's not negative campaigning if you're just criticizing your opponent's criticism of your criticism of their criticism of you."

    Patti Eggers Librarian
  • "I saw this one ad that said McCain's a weak pussy who let the gooks capture him."

    Jeff Corcoran Machinist
  • "George W. Bush says he's committed to education. But as governor of Texas, he cut school budgets by 30 percent. Nice try, George. You almost fooled us this time. George Bush: Bad for our children, bad for America."

    Marlon Brackens Systems Analyst
  • "If you ask me, these cheap, mudslinging ads drag the political process down to a level so juvenile and debased, I can actually understand it."

    George Lowell Investment Banker

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