adBlockCheck

Neil Armstrong Dies

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Neil Armstrong Dies

Neil Armstrong, commander of the Apollo 11 mission and the first man to step foot on the moon, died Saturday following complications from heart surgery. He was 82. What do you think?

  • “At least by the time he passed he died knowing he had helped the moon become one of the most recognizable objects in the world.”

    Jessica Kosakura Gold Reclaimer
  • “So somebody’s knocking off men who’ve been on the moon. But why? Who benefits from it? Hmm.”

    Frank Krzanowski Systems Analyst
  • “It’s always sad when man dies. Sorry, I actually meant ‘a’ man.”

    Dennis Gawley Varnish Maker

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close