adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Nepal Issues IDs With 'Third Gender' Option

In what is being hailed as a major victory for transgender activists, the Himalayan nation of Nepal began issuing citizenship certificates that allow the holder to select the option “third gender” if they do not identify as male or female. What do you think?

  • “Now where am I supposed to go on vacation? Nepal was my go-to destination for gender certainty.”

    Ty Cangemi Cabana Attendant
  • “Sure, this is great for men, women, and the third-gendered, but when will we humanimals finally get the recognition we deserve?”

    Bobbi Dee Wischnack Sock Examiner
  • “Now I’m even further from an answer about that Sherpa I traveled with last year.”

    John-Clay Wilhoit Illustrator

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close