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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Nestlé Creates Ad For Dogs

Nestlé aired a pet food ad on Austrian television that consisted of blips and high-pitched noises meant to attract dogs. What do you think?

  • "My dog is way too jaded by our society's rampant commercialism to ever fall for a commercial like that."

    Dale Kilmister Systems Analyst
  • “I guess it does make sense to target one of the few demographics with zero percent unemployment.”

    Petra Wallis Relay-Shop Supervisor
  • "Wouldn't they have more luck if they put a sexy lady dog in the ad?"

    Kevin Fox Wash Operator

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