After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Nevada Has Highest Percentage Of Uninsured Children

A Census report says that Nevada leads the nation in uninsured children, with nearly 20 percent lacking health coverage. What do you think?
  • "Good thing my kid's a bully and I don't have to worry about that stuff."

    Jenny Melowic Systems Analyst
  • "This is really only shocking until you hear that 40 percent of children lack health insurance in my family."

    Peter Magas Night Cleaner
  • "As a resident of Mississippi, I can't tell you how proud I am that we didn't finish dead last in a quality-of-life measurement."

    Jason Walter Credit Authorizer

After Birth

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