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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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New All-White Basketball League Launched

Augusta, GA boxing promoter Don "Moose" Lewis has announced the creation of The All-American Basketball League, comprised entirely of all-white, American-born players. What do you think?
  • "So basically, my dad's high school basketball team in rural North Dakota circa 1955 times twelve. OK. I don't think we have much to worry about here."

    Paul Krendler Bombsight Specialist
  • "The All-Star Weekend ought to be really impressive, what with the Layup Competition and Crisp Chest Pass Off."

    Ardelia Mapp Thread Cutter
  • "Now maybe I can actually follow a game. Those colored fellows move awful fast"

    Albert Roden Wall Washer
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