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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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New All-White Basketball League Launched

Augusta, GA boxing promoter Don "Moose" Lewis has announced the creation of The All-American Basketball League, comprised entirely of all-white, American-born players. What do you think?
  • "So basically, my dad's high school basketball team in rural North Dakota circa 1955 times twelve. OK. I don't think we have much to worry about here."

    Paul Krendler Bombsight Specialist
  • "The All-Star Weekend ought to be really impressive, what with the Layup Competition and Crisp Chest Pass Off."

    Ardelia Mapp Thread Cutter
  • "Now maybe I can actually follow a game. Those colored fellows move awful fast"

    Albert Roden Wall Washer

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