New All-White Basketball League Launched

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Vol 46 Issue 03

Air America Ceases Operations

As of Thursday, liberal radio network Air America stopped all live programming and announced it was filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. What do...

Lane Kiffin Leaves USC For Dream Job At GameStop

LOS ANGELES—During his introductory press conference as USC's new head coach last Wednesday, Lane Kiffin told reporters that he would be leaving the school indefinitely to pursue his dream of working at GameStop.

Good-Looking One Not Working Today

BROOKLYN, NY—Coffee shop patron Justin Burke was disappointed by the Good-Looking One's absence, and admitted that he initially mistook the One With The Slightly Off Face for the Good-Looking One, but quickly realized his error once she turned around.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Holiday

New All-White Basketball League Launched

Augusta, GA boxing promoter Don "Moose" Lewis has announced the creation of The All-American Basketball League, comprised entirely of all-white, American-born players. What do you think?
  • "So basically, my dad's high school basketball team in rural North Dakota circa 1955 times twelve. OK. I don't think we have much to worry about here."

    Paul Krendler
    Bombsight Specialist
  • "The All-Star Weekend ought to be really impressive, what with the Layup Competition and Crisp Chest Pass Off."

    Ardelia Mapp
    Thread Cutter
  • "Now maybe I can actually follow a game. Those colored fellows move awful fast"

    Albert Roden
    Wall Washer
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