New Ankle-Bracelet Baby Monitor Predicts Infant’s Mood

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Vol 50 Issue 32

Wrigley Field Removes Iconic Ivy From Urinal Troughs

CHICAGO—In a move that has outraged many fans who consider the vines a treasured part of Wrigley Field’s charm and unique character, the Chicago Cubs announced Friday that they would be removing the stadium’s iconic ivy from its urinal t...

Weak-Willed Termite Eats Whole Log In One Sitting

A local man feels even lazier when he thinks about how much ISIS has accomplished this year, a police officer doesn’t see a difference between black and light-skinned black suspects, and a weak-willed termite eats a whole log in one sitting.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Healthy Eating

New Ankle-Bracelet Baby Monitor Predicts Infant’s Mood

A company called Sproutling has introduced a $250 wearable baby monitor that fits around the infant’s ankle and records vital signs like heart rate, skin temperature, and motion to predict when the baby will wake up and what mood he or she will be in. What do you think?

  • “Wow—constantly fretting about slight deviations from your baby’s baseline normal behavior has never been easier.”

    Joe Thiele
    Hardware Seller
  • “Given the incredible variety and subtlety of a baby’s emotions, this seems next to impossible.”

    Laura Fox
    Stationary Printer
  • “What a boon to terrible mothers who can’t already intuitively tell exactly how their baby is feeling at all times.”

    William Lewin
    Systems Analyst
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