adBlockCheck

Recent News

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

New Ankle-Bracelet Baby Monitor Predicts Infant’s Mood

A company called Sproutling has introduced a $250 wearable baby monitor that fits around the infant’s ankle and records vital signs like heart rate, skin temperature, and motion to predict when the baby will wake up and what mood he or she will be in. What do you think?

  • “Wow—constantly fretting about slight deviations from your baby’s baseline normal behavior has never been easier.”

    Joe Thiele Hardware Seller
  • “Given the incredible variety and subtlety of a baby’s emotions, this seems next to impossible.”

    Laura Fox Stationary Printer
  • “What a boon to terrible mothers who can’t already intuitively tell exactly how their baby is feeling at all times.”

    William Lewin Systems Analyst
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings