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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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New Ankle-Bracelet Baby Monitor Predicts Infant’s Mood

A company called Sproutling has introduced a $250 wearable baby monitor that fits around the infant’s ankle and records vital signs like heart rate, skin temperature, and motion to predict when the baby will wake up and what mood he or she will be in. What do you think?

  • “Wow—constantly fretting about slight deviations from your baby’s baseline normal behavior has never been easier.”

    Joe Thiele Hardware Seller
  • “Given the incredible variety and subtlety of a baby’s emotions, this seems next to impossible.”

    Laura Fox Stationary Printer
  • “What a boon to terrible mothers who can’t already intuitively tell exactly how their baby is feeling at all times.”

    William Lewin Systems Analyst
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