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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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New Antibiotic-Resistant Gonorrhea Strain Found

Investigators at the Centers for Disease Control have identified a new strain of gonorrhea that is resistant to the effects of most antibiotics. What do you think?

  • “If only those goddamn bioethicists would quit meddling with my gonorrhea-resistant human research.”

    Allison Stratton Biologist
  • "Hey, ladies, no worries here. My gonorrhea is still 100 percent treatable by cephalosporins. So what do you say, mamacita?"

    Jason Bayley Systems Analyst
  • "Suddenly I don't really want to get gonorrhea anymore."

    Mike Di’Anno Unemployed
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