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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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New Batwoman: Lesbian

DC Comics is re-introducing the character Batwoman, only this time as a lesbian. What do you think?
  • "So she's a villain now? Is that it?"

    Will Bailey Barber
  • "I applaud DC Comics for taking the bold step of introducing a voluptuous, beautiful, girl-kissing superheroine. I only hope DC's legion of chronic masturbators will accept her."

    Liam Pierce Ship Builder
  • "What's next, a really gay superhero?"

    Betty Anderson Gas Station Attendant

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