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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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New 'Call Of Duty' Released

The highly anticipated first-person shooter Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2 went on sale at midnight, and according to a poll on the gaming website IGN, one in four purchasers planned to call in sick to school or work today to play the new game. What do you think?

  • “Big deal. I called in sick to watch the Facts Of Life finale.”

    Hal Segan Unemployed
  • “I actually called in sick today. Do you think I should buy the game so it doesn’t look weird?”

    Morgan Caracciolo Gasket Molder
  • “It’s ridiculous to call in sick to play a game and not just because you hate your job with all your heart.”

    Emily Yonover Train Dispatcher

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