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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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New 'Call Of Duty' Released

The highly anticipated first-person shooter Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2 went on sale at midnight, and according to a poll on the gaming website IGN, one in four purchasers planned to call in sick to school or work today to play the new game. What do you think?

  • “Big deal. I called in sick to watch the Facts Of Life finale.”

    Hal Segan Unemployed
  • “I actually called in sick today. Do you think I should buy the game so it doesn’t look weird?”

    Morgan Caracciolo Gasket Molder
  • “It’s ridiculous to call in sick to play a game and not just because you hate your job with all your heart.”

    Emily Yonover Train Dispatcher

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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