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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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New Chemical Element Created

After years of efforts, Japanese scientists claim to have finally synthesized element 113 on the periodic table, and if their findings are verified, it will mark the first time an Asian research team has had the honor of bestowing an official name on a new element. What do you think?

  • “Jeez. How many elements are scientists going to have before they’re happy?”

    Cliff Pfister Avionics Technician
  • “But we still haven’t figured out what to do with copernicium.”

    Melanie Putynowski Returned Goods Sorter
  • “I bet they’ll give it an Asian name then give it another Caucasian name, like Albert or Cindy.”

    Brianna Fowler Cephalometric Analyst
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