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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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New Chemical Element Created

After years of efforts, Japanese scientists claim to have finally synthesized element 113 on the periodic table, and if their findings are verified, it will mark the first time an Asian research team has had the honor of bestowing an official name on a new element. What do you think?

  • “Jeez. How many elements are scientists going to have before they’re happy?”

    Cliff Pfister Avionics Technician
  • “But we still haven’t figured out what to do with copernicium.”

    Melanie Putynowski Returned Goods Sorter
  • “I bet they’ll give it an Asian name then give it another Caucasian name, like Albert or Cindy.”

    Brianna Fowler Cephalometric Analyst
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