adBlockCheck

Recent News

Report: You Have Won!

Head To TheOnion.com To Redeem Your Winnings

WINNER’S CIRCLE—Sources are reporting that you, valued Onion reader, have won!
End Of Section
  • More News

New Drug Lengthens Eyelashes

A glaucoma drug called Lumigan is now being marketed for its side effect of growing eyelashes longer. What do you think?
  • "No thanks. My current glaucoma medication has the more beneficial side effect of getting me high off my ass."

    Jerome Blair Mechanic
  • "Why not just come out and say that you don't like my eyelashes?! Oh God, I'm sorry. I just feel so inadequate and angry about my tiny lashes."

    Geoff Hooper Window Dresser
  • "After 10 weeks of use, my eyelashes have never been fuller and longer and I am unequivocally a better person because of it."

    Charlotte Tydrich Mail Sorter

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close