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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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New Genetic Links To Baldness Found

A new report in the journal Nature Genetics points to genetic markers for baldness that could be screened for. What do you think?
  • "One day, perhaps in the near future, we'll be able to tell just by DNA testing who is bald."

    Katie Burns Systems Analyst
  • "These doctors are always one step ahead. Like when I think of curing cancer, they've already moved on to male pattern baldness."

    Chuck Dannan Public Relations
  • "Too bad they didn't discover this before my dad died. That could have significantly reduced the snickering heard as friends and relatives passed the open casket."

    Peter Doan Unemployed

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