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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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New Genetic Links To Baldness Found

A new report in the journal Nature Genetics points to genetic markers for baldness that could be screened for. What do you think?
  • "One day, perhaps in the near future, we'll be able to tell just by DNA testing who is bald."

    Katie Burns Systems Analyst
  • "These doctors are always one step ahead. Like when I think of curing cancer, they've already moved on to male pattern baldness."

    Chuck Dannan Public Relations
  • "Too bad they didn't discover this before my dad died. That could have significantly reduced the snickering heard as friends and relatives passed the open casket."

    Peter Doan Unemployed

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