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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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New Genetic Links To Baldness Found

A new report in the journal Nature Genetics points to genetic markers for baldness that could be screened for. What do you think?
  • "One day, perhaps in the near future, we'll be able to tell just by DNA testing who is bald."

    Katie Burns Systems Analyst
  • "These doctors are always one step ahead. Like when I think of curing cancer, they've already moved on to male pattern baldness."

    Chuck Dannan Public Relations
  • "Too bad they didn't discover this before my dad died. That could have significantly reduced the snickering heard as friends and relatives passed the open casket."

    Peter Doan Unemployed
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