New Healthier Pigs

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Vol 42 Issue 15

Gospel Of Judas Found

A 1,700-year-old papyrus document called the Gospel of Judas indicates that the apostle Judas betrayed Jesus to the Romans at his request. What do...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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New Healthier Pigs

Scientists have cloned pigs that are engineered to contain omega-3 fatty acids, which produce healthier pork. What do you think?
  • "Can't they put some of that omega stuff in cigarettes?"

    Mary Keller
    Librarian
  • "I don't eats 'em, I just rassles 'em."

    Chet Bannister
    Pig Wrestler
  • "I'll only be interested when they finally make pig-human hybrids. I could marry one and say, 'Woman! Make me some bacon!' Then she'd dutifully harvest my succulent breakfast."

    Benjamin Klein
    Music Critic
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